Try saying this as slowly and as sexily as you possibly can, and tell us what comes to mind: “Long, small and powerful”. Ring a bell? It’s hard to think of anything until we change ‘SMALL’ to ‘BIG’ but send those naughty thoughts away to whatever happy-tralala-land you can think of because unlike most of the stuff you receive in your email, we’re actually talking about three words to sum up the Mini Cooper S Clubman. Like the pheromones we see in our emails, this car immediately swept us off our feet like James Bond on a rampage, prompting heavy right foot action once the BMW Group HQ was out of sight but apparently we were not the only one seduced. Read the review below.

The original Sir Alec Issigonis blueprint was brought over to the new Mini over 40 years after the original Mini was launched in 1959. The one we secured is the second generation MINI Clubman codenamed the R55 and was launched in 2007 but it was only brought in by BMW Malaysia about 2 months ago.

Exterior

For a video of the Mini Cooper S Clubman check out our previously published short video with the car.

For BMW to come up with the perfect design that the original MINI sports today, it took eight years of a roller coaster ride with four different project directors, with design teams from Germany, UK and USA moving all the engineering work back and forth between continents but it was evidently eight years well spent – the second generation retained all the design cues we love about the new MINI. With the Clubman, there is no room for complains.

The MINI Clubman is 24cm longer than the Hatchback, providing 8cm more legroom for rear passengers, with the rest going not just to the rear but also to the face. The new MINI Cooper Clubman S looks like a normal MINI at first glance but going around town proves otherwise as people easily identify this as a different MINI, earning it the title of ‘The Other Mini’ in our books. Just for the record, we compiled a short list of about 5% of the words uttered loudly to us in response to the Clubman:

“Custom-made Mini ke bang?” – Petrol pump attendant.

“Hey apasal ini Mini panjang?” – Our trusty mechanic.

“DAAAAAAAAMMNNN!” – Shouted by a guy on the road driving the new Accord.

The Clubman is definitely about the presence, and the commanding presence it has on the road is something you have to see with your own eyes to believe. Our test unit comes with 17-inch Crown Spoke alloy wheels and wrapped with 205.45 R 17 Dunlop SP Sport Run on Flat Tires.

The famous Cooper stripe adorns The Clubman but it does not go all the way to the back like the other Coopers. Why? Because of the sunroof + moonroof on the floating roofline – they make the car sexier. Yup, a panoramic sunroof that covers the entire roof giving it that distinct ‘you know it’s MINI, but doesn’t look like one’ look – still a winner in our books.

It also comes with the hood scoop as a reminder to the car in front that this car here is not a regular Cooper. The hood scoop multitasks by giving the engine some cold air breathing room and some space for the turbocharged engine that lies beneath.

A very long, white-colored third brake light at the roof is sets a new standard for third brake lights by neatly showing a 1-foot long line of red bulbs during braking.

There are 12 body colors to choose from and our test unit came in Hot Chocolate Metallic; new and exclusively reserved for the MINI Clubman. Other body colors available are Chili Red, Pepper White and Mellow Yellow which are all of the non-metallic variety, and the metallic variety lists Astro Black, Sparkling Silver, British Racing Green, Pure Silver, Lightning Blue, Nightfire Red, Dark Silver and Laser Blue.
 

Clubdoor

Guys, here is a tip. Girls REALLY dig gentleman behavior.

The Clubman is the perfect opportunity to show off all those gentlemanly skills you learned from Youtube. Imagine yourself at a parking lot, opening the front door to get out of the Clubman in your exquisite 3-piece. Easy, right? Even Johnny English could pull it off. Now, imagine yourself opening the ‘suicide’ aka clubdoor as a posh lady steps out of the back seats.

The Clubman’s commanding presence is apparent not only on the roads, but also on the driver as it gives the driver a chance to be publicly noticed as he unbuckles, get out, be a gentleman and open the rear-side door for the lady at the back.

All of these while the crowd is rubbernecking, looking at you either in envy or disbelief. I totally dig this exercise as it always delivers the same results anywhere, anytime at a petrol station, fast food or even the local medan selera.

Retro-themed interior.

There were probably about a dozen or two buttons on the dashboard but I only use four of them: the Start-Stop engine button, the two paddle shifts on the steering wheel, and the sport “overboost” button on the gear console which evolves the car to a completely new level. We did not notice the other buttons until after we went through the pictures we’ve taken days after the car was returned since the Clubman sports the same dash and basic interior layout as the regular Mini.

The seats are wrapped with ‘Lounge Leather Hot-Chocolate’ that appears to be very-very comfortable. However, what was supposed to be a quick road trip to Malacca ended with a hasty search for “Koyok” after a 3 hour drive. The driver’s seat is comfortable enough for city driving but for long journeys, I would do it the way Mr. Wolfgang of BMW did (as stated during the Malaysian launch of the Clubman); in the backseat of a 7 series.

The console light on this car is changeable to 5 different colors which includes orange, blue and red. Unless you are one of those drivers who name their cars and really spend a lot of time personalizing it, I don’t really see what other purposes this serve other than ‘ultimate personal-emotional satisfaction’.

The 6-CD changer is nicely hidden under the retractable brushed aluminum trim on the front passenger side, giving you that authentic James-Bond-car-with-gadgets-feel.

The rearview mirror however was very disturbing, in all sense of the word – roundish in shape, very small, and poor visibility making the James Bond could-have-been into Johnny English instead. A big pillar (the rear doors, actually) obstructs our view in the rearview mirror, and solely depending on just the reverse/backup sensor was a bit jittery on the nerves so we had to literally turn our heads around while in reverse. But behind every cloud is a silver lining, and as you do the reverse jig, you’ll finally appreciate the visibility and space the Clubman has to offer. The fixed windows greatly aid you in your quest for the perfect parking mambo, the reverse tango or anything in between.

The whole retro-themed interior design may be an old concept but this MINI perfectly blends it into our pilot-cockpit-crazed-era – a beautiful unification of old and new. Simply marvelous.

Driving experience

The Clubman clubs all opposition into submission, leaving supposedly speedier and more powerful cars far behind, including our very own long term test-drive Toyota Caldina, thanks to the six speed gearbox and the barely noticeable turbo lag which kick in at just above 3,000 rpm. It delivered track-worthy handling with the punchy 1.6 turbocharged engine and top mounted turbo that can deliver 0-100km/h in 7.6 seconds. With a full load of 4 adults, we still managed a very respectable 8.5 seconds. Pulling power once the overboost button is pressed was charted at 260 Nm from the 1600 all the way up to 5000 rpm.

The brochures promised the infamous ‘go kart handling’ but don’t take their word for it – they ALSO deliver a tight ‘go kart’ turning radius.

It has also a noticeable torque steer if you slammed your right foot down, even with the aid of the DSC. If you like riding cannon this car delivers by being able to reach the 200km/h acclaimed top speed with ease. However, things get a bit noisy at the 140 km/h mark, and once you rocket past 160 km/h even James Bond would find it difficult to maintain a good conversation with the lady in the backseat, possibly because of the sunroof. Now, bear in mind that we are not engineers – our uneducated guess left us with pointing the fingers at the panoramic sunroof that covers the whole roof and the club door that may have weakened the structure somewhat, belting out deafening ‘rock music’ at high speed instead of the relaxing ‘waltz’ that could have scored you an extra shaken martini with the lady in the backseat. Yes, very noisy.

Fancy paddling a Kayak on a weekend?

Then don’t fret as you can do the exercise with this Mini Cooper Clubman S – it comes with paddle shifters .You can paddle it by either using just the right or left paddle on the steering wheel or just go wild with the paddles by using both of them (the reason you will not see the ‘+’ and ‘–’ sign on the paddle itself). The paddle shift works pretty much like a simple pull/push mechanism – pull for upshift and push for downshift. They can be used in any mode - D, Sport mode or Manual. Sadly, the shift does not happen instantaneously due to the shifting lag while shifting between all the six gears.

If you’re too lazy to do the paddling exercises, the sport button near the gear console can do the hard work for you – press it, slam the pedal with your right foot and watch the magic unfold as the gear shifting process takes place at 6500 rpm, with the third gear delivering pleasures beyond those of the shaken martini.

Stopping power is good for this non circuit performer. The rotors inspire confidence with their power and endurance, assisted by the 4-wheel ABS plus EBD and Cornering Brake Control to facilitate distribution of braking force during braking whilst tackling those corners.

The ride is a bit bumpy and hard compared to a regular Cooper because of the sporty suspension and may not be all that comfortable for driving long hours. If I give the car to my mom for the whole week, she will definitely ask me to pick up ‘Makcik Bedah’ for chiropractic sessions.

At a time of rising gas prices, the Mini Cooper Clubman S clocked a very respectable 7.0L / 100 km.

The car’s presence really make you stand out regardless of where you are, be it the city or the back roads of a kampong you will still knock the jaws off innocent pedestrians and fellow drivers with its exquisite design charming city folk and its marvelous engineering exhilarates people from rural areas.

Trust me, it puts an ‘aero-gant’ face on every driver and elevated us to the top of the social hierarchy (albeit temporarily).

Conclusion

To me the car is a performer with a punchy 1.6 liter turbocharged engine. With the price tag of RM259,000, it is sadly reserved only for enthusiasts who can afford one. Sometimes, the Clubman felt like a true sport cars on par with other front wheel driven go-fast car but not. If I was James Bond, I would definitely have this car on standby 24 hours a day.

At least for the women.